Wandering

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

Tolkien


Fall is undoubtedly my favorite time of year! The crispness in the air, anticipation of all the vibrant colors, rugged mountain adventures, perfect excuse to cuddle up with a cup of tea and a good book, and lets not forget……all that is good and deliciously pumpkin. Yes, I said it! To say I look forward to these months would be a grave understatement.

Rainy day hike to Lookout Mountain

Everything seems to slow a little, nostalgia at an all time high, and my senses renewed to what is before me. The seasons changing equally bring with it a time of reflection, both on chapters past and ones to come.

To be honest, putting aside time for reflection has not been something I have wanted to do or make a high priority. Marked with trials that seem rooted deep, facing uphill climb after uphill climb, this past year has left me feeling, admittedly, often in a place of hopelessness. Nevertheless, God has continued to pursue my heart and not leave me in my wandering state.


“The Lord will make a way for you where no foot has been before. That, which like a sea, threatens to drown you, shall be a highway for your escape.” Charles Spurgeon

One day at a time. One step at a time. One. Day. At. A. Time.

This line has been on repeat for the past month or two in my swirling, twirling brain. Throughout my current aimless wanderings, waiting and hoping for change, all I can focus on is the absolute present moment. Though I long for the break in the road, I have to focus on where I am instructed to plant each step and then stepping firmly; leaning in to what I can truly trust. Admittedly, and unfortunately, this winding road of change God has me on is one I would often prefer to walk alone. Left to my own devices, to carry my burden with all the weight it brings, up the steep incline of this journey towards the mountain top peak.

Frodo gets me.

However, like Frodo, I can NOT make this climb on my own. Despite my inner workings that tell me this is true, that it’s easier or less risky, God knows me far better than I can ever imagine and He graciously does not leave me desperate and lost in my independent, self assured delusions. Instead, He surrounds me with a beautiful picture of community. Community that relentlessly points me to truth, that come alongside me in my seemingly aimless pursuits; I too have ‘Sams’ in my life. Daily I’m reminded of how big a blessing it is to have these people eagerly and willingly share the burdens of life together and journey through these paths side by side. Even when my sin and my hurt causes them pain, they show me undeserved grace, love, and daringly stand beside me; declaring that I do not have to walk this road alone.

Leaves
“Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”  ― Winston S. Churchill

Right when my footing seems weakest, and my assurance of this present calling is wavering, has been exactly when God has chosen to pour out countless blessing and affirmations. Time after time, God has put individuals in my life to remind me that I am not alone in this next step. Providing truth that He is the creator of the universe, the omnipotent one that knows every inner working of our lives, minds, hearts. The same one that can equally quiet a raging storm and part the ominous sea as a means of desperate escape. How can I doubt that He is our ever present provider and always in control?

Lately, even through my wanderings, God has been reminding me that despite my circumstances I can hold fast to hope. That through persistent prayer I can continue to talk to my Father who hears our cries and longs to know the desires of our heart. I continue to pray for discernment and direction along my wanderings and steps in faith. For relief along the steep incline of this journey and for continued affirmations for the calling He has placed on my heart.

October 2015

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